A pirate captain came to my hometown to tell us about his internship program
college graduates without any future prospects could join his crew indefinitely and gain job experience that would be invaluable in the real world. 
I didn't particularly want to join because it seemed like a bit of a scam
but I got to talking with the captain and he decided to take me along anyway
when I was filling out the application form I needed a bad-ass epithet
the first thing I could think of was "Max the Pit"
like a pitbull, because it's kind of intimidating
so we got on the pirate ship
it was huge and frayed and made out of straw
and it was pretty fun at first just floating across the ocean
but I was looking over the railing thinking "shit, I'm gonna be on here for a really really long time, something is gonna go wrong soon"
and right on cue, we angled towards a really narrow river
and had to navigate it through without getting it caught on something and breaking
the river turned into a stream and we were at the top of a mountain and the water ended
and the captain was like "wtf are you waiting around for, put it on that little cart!"
where the water ended there was a little platform on rails for a boat
so we lifted it onto the cart and just coasted down the rest of the way till it got to the water again
and we were on a cliff above a little village
the captain said "ok, we'll spend the night here!"
on the opposite mountain there was a cave where two police officers were shaving and arresting two giants
and it kept playing in a loop
and the captain looked at it
and was like "hmm, this looks odd. I need to investigate. Everyone go down to the hotel and wait.
in one of the houses below there was an electrical socket
and unseen by any of us, a little spark of electric gum shot out and turned into a little man
and he started laughing maniacally
then danielle called and I woke up